the candy bar

something I wrote a while back when I couldn't sleep

What mess is this? Some irresponsible government’s mistake? An unaccountable big business beyond the moral guides of the single man like myself? Everything left to its own devices to sort it all out………

******

………Unfortunate souls, those mice; I notice them as I press on uneasy steps among the discarded rubbish. They look famished despite the bountiful amount of crumbs that cover the floor. They seem strangely proportioned, odd colored, scabby and some are missing hair or even whole parts; “It must be radioactive”, I thought. Crumpled up bits of foil wrapping, "space age plastics" and other nondescript materials give my proceedings an irregular crunch. I hope they don’t hear me; I know how they detest curious parties. A shadow moves in front of the half open door -Jesus! I didn’t expect that- a little figure muting the fluorescent glow from the room beyond for an instant. I froze, but a drip of sweat fell and rang irritatingly noisy as it hit the floor, I fear drawing attention to me. A head reappeared at the door, featureless, but peering.
Two eyes beyond the silhouette glowing red in a form I cannot see, washed out in the contrast of the bright room, my pupils dilated as they are in the dark. There must be hundreds of them in there. The figure turned, paused and moved away from the door as if called. I feel assured now that it hadn’t seen me and whatever population is beyond the door is unaware of the approaching me; their attention is focused no longer on some random noise from the hall outside. I move closer and can now witness clearly the events behind the curious light that has drawn me near through the wire reinforced narrow window in the metal door. I could see creatures surrounding a stainless steel operating table and looking upon a small form. It appeared to be a human fetus with some strange metal contraption with large tendrils holding the abdomen of the little body open and its insides were laid out at its feet. Or it could be a Thanksgiving turkey for all I know, my famine having blurred my vision and confused my mind, making me a bit delusional. Still, I can’t help being distracted by the dark chocolate bar under the table, which I know now is what drew me near. My fear outweighed by my hunger; I wonder if they’ll notice me creep in and pluck it from the floor?

******

Hanging loose from my legs, my thin pants are heavy with blood and showing the gaunt outline of my bones. I feel weak and begin to lose control; warm piss pools in the rear of my trousers. I can hear it start to spatter hollow on the drain below as it weeps through the fabric. My sight is diminished in my waking and the only things I can see through the darkness of death are the hooks through my knees and armpits suspending me above the tiled shower room floor. I feel lightheaded and drunk. My head rolls onto my back and I feel choked as I notice the dark red mixed with my urine on the floor beneath me. Surfacing from unconsciousness strangely allowed sober assessment, but then despair and confusion set in. Weakness allows me to do nothing. All sensations turn briefly into a searing pain and then dull below the neck. I can barely remember how I got here. Curiosity, I believe. Damn how stupid could I have been poking my head around like that? They had nothing to fear in me, but then how could they be sure. Still, I don’t blame them for my carelessness. I’ve felt like this before; I once inadvertently inhaled the propellant of a whipped-cream can as a child in my thirst for the sugary contents and I only assume that the similarities in sensation are due to the loss of oxygen to my brain. I look up and notice a moldy textured white plastic ceiling with interspersed light-boxes -I always hated fluorescent lighting; it makes me feel dirty and institutional and justified in every way to indulge in severe homicidal activity.